It was two years ago, almost to the day, that I received a Sunday-night text from my boss, informing me that for the next two weeks I and the rest of my teammates should plan on working from home.
Of course I was concerned for everyone’s safety and for our nation’s economic health. Outside of old age and cancer, I’ve lost more people to this pandemic than any other cause, and I’m grateful I was able to hunker down and stay isolated.
That doesn’t mean that I was sad about having to do it.
Most people who have met me in person claim to not believe that I am, in fact, extremely shy. I get it: I’m about as ‘hale fellow, well met’ as they come, and when I meet you I am simultaneously thrilled to see you and also wishing I could assume the fetal position in a corner doing my best Boo Radley impersonation.
And because the best gift you can give an introvert is canceled plans, and the pandemic was an exercise in nothing but canceled plans, I was uniquely suited to make the best of a bad situation. In fact, I’d been preparing for it my entire life.
But wow, those two weeks sure felt like two years. After all, in that time…
I’m on my third pair of fuzzy slippers.
The dog scored Employee of the Month six times.
Did you know you can buy a bathrobe that doubles as a work-suitable blouse for Zoom calls?
My gas expense was reduced to a mere fraction of itself. Of course, I’ll be filling up the car again soon enough and I’ll spend all the savings in one tank, but that’s a different problem.
Like many of us, I learned Greek. As God is my witness, I thought Delta was a fraternity.
I collected no fewer than 36 Bernie Sanders’ Inauguration Mittens memes, including, but not limited to, Deadpool, Bruce Springsteen, Harry Potter, and even one that managed to diss the Dallas Cowboys at the same time.
I solved every single Wordle in the archive (ask me what my starter words are!). While I managed to take on Dordle, Hogwartle and Wordle2, I did not manage to crack Nerdle and Quordle.
I watched 726 Star Trek episodes and the related 12 movies. Of course, I’d be lying if I said that this was not the first time I had watched all of them. Nor was it the 15th time. You don’t need a global pandemic to want to watch Star Trek.
In a burst of capitalistic fervor, and certainly not because I wanted a break from cooking, our family committed to eating takeout from a local restaurant at least once each week.
Last, but certainly not least, I was able to prove that my decades of protestations that I was too busy to exercise were, in fact, a lie. Time was never the issue.
And now, almost two years to the day later, it’s time for me to trade my trusty fuzzy slippers for black suede pumps and my Zoom bathrobe for a blazer, cash in my 401k and buy a tank of gas, and head back into the office.
I’m leaving Absurdle and Sweardle for when I have to learn the next Greek letter of the alphabet.
Elizabeth Evans is a local mother, wife, daughter, sister, former stay-at-home mom, former work-outside-the-home mom, former work-at-home mom and a human resources consultant.
